HATE

It’s so hard to understand the feeling that you’re being taken for granted. You don’t expect too much from the other person. Only a bit of attention or just a simple gesture of appreciation is enough.  Unfortunately, they don’t even get done.

I hate this feeling! I do so much for him, the only thing I expect in return is a simple thank you…or a simple gesture to remind me that I’m not his slave. I only ask for simple things but even those get cheap excuses.

Is he the kind of man I want in my life? An unappreciative jerk!? He’s so full of himself that I can’t even seem to occupy a tiny space in his narcissistic world. Sometimes I can hate him so much!!!! When I try letting him know about how I feel, I’m the one who’s bad for not understanding! Talk about being stubborn, selfish, and spoiled!

I don’t feel too special anymore. He let me down. And not only once. Special events are nothing to him. Monthsary or Anniversary, Our first Valentines – he doesn’t even make any effort.

Meanwhile, when he’s with his friends, just one request from them and he’s all up for it. I HATE that soOOOo much!

A man truly dies when he’s forgotten….

..and I feel like a part of me is dead…

as invisible as a ghost whom one without open third eyes can see…

What to do?

Here I am again, contemplating.

What do you tell yourself when your “special person” is the type who doesn’t check up on how your day went…how you’re doing…

After a long busy day, minutes before bed time is my favorite. It’s supposed to be the time where the two of you can talk about things. But, what I’m constantly trying to understand is why I don’t receive that care. Guys are supposed to be there to listen to their girl’s worries, right? But for me, I only feel stupid whenever I bring them up to my guy. I always listen about his thoughts and stories without judgment and that ‘not interested’ aura. But when it’s my turn to speak, it’s either he’ll silence out for a while looking as if he was listening, but then brush up on another story about him; or, tell something negative about what I’m telling him…kinda like a reply that goes with the expression “So?”….And I feel all ‘unimportant’ after that. Sigh, and just tell myself, it’s just the way he is.

Seriously, does he really care for me?

That’s a question I always ask myself. I do things for him and they seem like air…unnoticed, unappreciated. Are guys just really like that?

Am I the one that has a problem? All I ask is a simple “how are you?”..And that “I’m interested hearing your story” vibe. Am I asking too much?

Poem: Neglect

I open my lips, you open yours,

and I don’t get to say a single word.

I nod and reply. You answer and continue.

All without noticing I have something to share to you.

We meet, and then we part.

I leave with a sigh in my heart.

Ponder on why you don’t see me at all,

Even when I hint a call.

The day ends, and you bid me good night;

And you don’t remember to ask if I’m alright.

I gently reply the same, wearing a faint smile;

Silence creeps in and I feel lonely for a while.

The next day comes, and you greet a nice morn;

Leave for school in a rush, not noticing I’m torn.

I smile, and say a warm farewell…. ‘take care’,

Then I start my day, feeling a bit fair.

I feel a pinch of pain when I see you get past me.

I reckon, that’s just how you are….free.

I still wait to see when you’ll notice my need for your care,

Just as you need me to sit and listen about your share.

This simple attention I’ve always craved to have,

just wanting to feel that spark called love.

I try to forget; let go of every neglect I felt;

Wishing that in time, it will all go away and melt.

I liked this quote

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” -Dr. Seuss

HTML

I don’t know html that much and I’m expected to deliver. I guess I can do it since there is a mentor who will tell me this and that, but to be quite in a pressure of finishing a page in less than two days is a bit nerve-wracking. I wish I had classes about html when we had programming in high school. Tough luck, all we did was the old BASIC.  And I forgot all about that now. I know if I just put some effort in making myself learn the language, I’ll be very much on my way as becoming a webmaster. I plan to build a website. Something I can play around with and feature my sister’s artworks and stuff. Hope I can learn how to build a website from ground up.

Lie

Here I am, quite irritated. I just hate when I’m lied to, even with the simplest one. I know I can be a bit gullible but it infuriates me when my kindness and limited ill-thinking of others are taken advantage of. Sometimes I wish that I had the ability to know when a person is lying to my face. Sheesh!

Just my second post and I’m already ranting. Here’s something from How Stuff Works about ‘Lies’.

http://health.howstuffworks.com/lying.htm

I needed to vent out my irritation somewhere. Blogging really makes it a bit easier for me to handle my emotions.

New Year~2009~My Year!

Take my hand, and I'll show you my journey.

It’s a new year to savor. I do hope I’ll get to accomplish a lot of things for this year. Looking back to 2008, I’ve experienced a lot of turns down the once-straight-road I had always traversed. I wonder what’s in store for me this time. New acquaintances, both in the real and virtual worlds; a stronger relationship with my sweet bear Ted, a stable income from the comfort of my own home, and hopefully, a good comeback to my beloved studies….just some of my expectations and wishes for this year.

That’s a glimpse of my life. I created this blog at exactly new year since I always had plans to make one. You’ll be seeing more of my random thoughts, discoveries, knowledge, and a variety of daily living wonders and questions, as well as some ranting hitherto on just about anything under the sun. Looking forward to meeting people with the same interest and inquisitions as mine.

Welcome Year 2009!